A couple of weeks ago, we had an incident. A toy was broken, and when Scott asked the boys who did it, no one fessed up. A couple of minutes later, the neighbor girl they’d been playing with knocked on the door and said that Fisher had broken the toy. We thanked her for the information, and then confronted Fisher.
We told him that breaking the toy was not a big deal (it was a $3 toy), but that lying was. We told him that if he told us the truth about what happened, he would not be in trouble. He maintained that he had not done it, but that he didn’t know who had. We tried every trick in the book to force a confession, but he calmly and firmly stood by his story.
Further complicating the matter was that neighbor girl had just that week told a bold-faced lie to another adult in the neighborhood. As a result, our level of trust in her information was not exactly high.
Eventually, we *sort of* believed Fisher, but I told him that until he or neighbor girl fessed up to lying, they would not be able to play together. I figured eventually they would want to play together enough that one of them would confess.
We have talked about the situation numerous times over the past couple of weeks, and Fisher has maintained his innocence. But yesterday I noticed that Fisher, Neighbor girl (who is 2 yrs older than Fisher) and neighbor boy (several years older) were out front talking. A few minutes later, Fisher came in the front door and said:
Mommy, I’m so so sorry, but I broke the toy. What’s my punishment?
I have to admit, my first reaction was to think that he had been talked into covering for neighbor girl, because it was so much easier to peg her as the liar. It’s not like Fisher has never fibbed before, but never quite so convincingly and over something so silly. And he’s the youngest of all the neighbor kids and sometimes he gets manipulated by them because he just doesn’t yet get the older-kid dynamic. (I will say that for the most part all the kids treat him very very well…we have no more issues than would be expected for a bunch of kids who play together almost daily).
Evidently, neighbor boy basically said “look, this is dumb. one of you needs to fess up so we can all play together.” and so Fisher did. (Ah, the power of peer pressure).
I’m having a hard time with this. Fisher is a really kind-hearted, sweet, sensitive kid. Sure, he’s a bit whiny, a bit of a drama queen, etc., but behavior-wise he gives us very little trouble. The hardest thing for me is that he lied so convincingly. I mean, aren’t you supposed to be able to see through a six year old? Aren’t they supposed to give clues?
Honest to God, I could never lie that well. The only thing I can figure is that he basically convinced himself it was true, so that for all intents and purposes he was telling the truth.
Scott asked him to write a story about lying, which he did and took very seriously. There is still a feeling though that he just doesn’t seem to get what a big deal it is. Maybe six year olds are just too young to fully understand? I don’t know.
I told him that I was proud of him for telling the truth, but also that I was really sad and disappointed that he’d lied for so long. We talked to him about how we understand how hard and scary it can be to tell the truth sometimes, but that lies are almost always discovered and the consequences to lying are far worse than telling the truth.
AmFam gave me the idea of giving him a mildly unpleasant job to do for every day that he lied, thereby giving him the incentive to tell the truth earlier next time. We don’t want to punish him too harshly or in a way that would cause him to hold on to a lie even longer next time. it’s a fine line…
This is just the first time I’ve really felt a sense of Fisher separating from us, and asserting his independence and I don’t like it! It also feels like a taste of teenagerdom that I DO NOT LIKE!!
I know I promised funny. This wasn’t it. Stay tuned…I’m just keeping you on your toes.
Filed under: Fisher, Kids, Uncategorized
the boys and santa
fisher and his
downtown in
my homegirl, 


